There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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