I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
