Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
3 2 1 whiskey
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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