yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
