Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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