sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
