i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You need Xanax blowdarts
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
