happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
