If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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