You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
