I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
