Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
