Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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