turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
so let's talk penis.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
