i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
please come you make the beer taste better
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
