Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
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