There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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