Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize