I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize