Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
