he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
