Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
