then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
