When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
