she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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