its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
