just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
