Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
