I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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