Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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