actually, I'm a sock model
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
