I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
