i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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