New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
This baby is an asshole
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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