wat bout pragnant strippers??
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize