next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
