marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize