He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Randomize
