Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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