In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
