He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
