This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
