hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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