I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
