he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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