Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
