Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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