Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
