The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
