yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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