FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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