he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
it's like iHOP with fire
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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