the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
