Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize