So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
