He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
