last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
