You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he told me I talked like a deaf person
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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