ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
