If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
