i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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