There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
