oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
