Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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