tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
