You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
