the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
