Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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