But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Randomize