i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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