so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
